Iron Man (2008)

Okay, I never really read the comics of Iron Man, so I’ve got no personal investment at stake with this one. So even if it was a pile of crap it wouldn’t bum me out too bad (not like Fantastic 4, who I love and am appalled by the movies).

But Iron Man does what is so hard to do with a comic book movie, pleases the nerds, pleases the major movie going public, and just so happens to be pretty watchable. I’m not going to say it’s great. It’s no Superman 2, or X-men 2 (I like the sequels better because back stories are usually BO-ring!) or any of the Tim Burton Batmans, but it is pretty damn good.

Tony Stark is a stupid-rich playboy weapons designer, who upon being kidnapped by insurgents (real tight rope on the stereotypes, it gets dicey) he designs himself a super-suit to escape. Upon his return to society he rebuilds a bigger better one and begins to right the wrongs his weapons have caused around the world. He is also a smarmy, smug fucker. Robert Downey Jr. fucking nails it.

Also, I gotta say: I was ready to hate this if there wasn’t at least one Ghostface track in it. There was, in a highly appropriate scene where Stark is partying with some stewardesses.

heres a fan trailer with Ghost all over it:

Capote (2005)

A biopic of Truman Capote focusing entirely on the writing of his masterwork “In Cold Blood”, his relationship with Harper Lee and the “friendship” that he developed with the killers.

As a character study it is brilliant, Phillip Seymor Hoffman is astounding. I found his performance at first off-putting, but ten or fifteen in I was hooked. Also Catherine Keener is great as Harper Lee who works as his assistant in research for the first third or so of the story before she begins writing “To Kill A Mockingbird”.

As for the story, for those of you that haven’t read the book or seen the movie, or seen this movie: Two emotionally stunted men who operate on the outside of society brutally kill an innocent family in Kansas for money they thought they had. But they didn’t, they got out with just a few measly dollars. While in jail Truman Capote, hot off of Breakfast at Tiffany’s decides to turn their story into an article for the New Yorker, it turned into one of the best books of that decade (and there was some serious competition).

Now, this is not a great film. It screams “GIVE ME OSCARS!” from almost every frame, but the performances range from good to great and it is shot well. I’d recommend having two glasses of chilled white wine before pressing play on this bad boy

or better yet, just watch “In Cold Blood” that movie is a fucking powerhouse.

Funny Games (2007)

Michael Haneke’s shot for shot english language remake of his masterpiece. Now for an English language remake this has to be one of the very best ever attempted.

The plot is simple: a well to do couple and their young son go out to their summer house on the lake. Quickly they are visited by two young men under the pretense of borrowing eggs for the neighbors. It slowly become clear that they will not leave and when it is clear, its too fucking late. They are in charge and they are probably going to kill them all for no reason. The home intruders are (at least in appearance and manners) as well to do as the victims. They refer to eachother as Tom and Jerry, Beavis and Butthead etc., they break the forth wall to include the viewer in their sadism and all of the violence takes place just outside of the frame, forcing you to imagine the worst.

This version is great, Naomi Watts is superb, Tim Roth is great and the intruders Michael Pitt (Tommy Gnosis from Hedwig) and Bradley Corbet are awesomely cold and scary.

That said, I would recommend watching the Austrian version, doesn’t matter if you watch this one first or second or not at all. I highly recommend watching the Austrian version, it is close to perfection.

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2007)

Two brothers (each with their own fucked up money problems) plot to knock over their parents jewelery store and when it goes horribly wrong the shit hits the fan in more ways than you can shake a shit covered fan at.

The brothers are played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke (wtf? brothers? really?) PSH is a drug addict who isn’t as well off as everyone (including his wife) thinks he is. Ethan Hawke is the divorced dad with not enough to pay child support and lives in a wicked shithole, and hes fucking his brothers wife (Marisa Tomei, now I don’t wanna sound like a cad, but Marisa Tomei looks really great without any clothes- for anyone, and shes a 44 year old lady).

Directed by Syndey Lumet it has the kinda 70’s NYC vibe, a real throwback stylistically. Not like DePalma where it’s a corny “Scarface” style, I mean a real gritty Scorsesse thing going on. He gets great performances out of everyone and it is heartwrenching to watch the fucked upness unfold in front of your eyes.

Teeth (2007)

When I first heard that there was going to be a horror movie about a girl with teeth in her vajayjay, I gotta tell you, I was not fully down with the idea.

But the more I thought about it, and talked about it with my friends it became clear that this was a brilliant idea whose time had come. And I gotta say, this is the best Teeth-in-the-pussy movie I’ve ever seen. Dark, funny, and frankly: feminist. Of course feminist horror (like alot of smart attempts at horror) is often flawed/awkward and this is no exception. But full points for trying.

The plotline is a that a girl who is in a virgin “True Love Waits” kinda club gets too close to another boy in the club who winds up to be exactly what you’d imagine teenage boys in a virgin club to be: a creepy creep. He finds out the hard way, as does every dude that wants to fuck her over from then on out.

Now, you never see the Teeth, but there are severed dicks and fingers all over the place. And men screaming at blood shooting out of their cock stump. No wonder this flopped at the malls across America. Me? I loved it.

Baby Mama (2008)

Went to go see this as an installment of Blue Drink Rom-Com, also I’ve got a wicked crush on Tina Fey. She’s funny, smart, foxy. Glasses. The glasses seal the deal. I’ve lost my train of thought….umm.

Okay, plotwise She is a late thirties lady looking to get pregnant because she really really wants a kid. So, with Sigorny Weavers help she puts some eggs and sperm inside of white trash Amy Poehler and then the magic happens. By magic I mean She moves in with Tina Fey because she breaks up with her white trash boyfriend (who is the dude from Idiocracy and Lets Go To Prison-dude needs to branch out, badly). Hilarity ensuses. Steve Martin shows up and is FUNNY. I know, right? Weird.

Now, here are the problems: it is obvious that Tina Fey had nothing to do with the script, shit is mad corny. And Greg Kinnear is the romantic interest, I hate him. I know thats a strong word. I HATE GREG KINNEAR. Fuck him. I think he has no charisma, is ugly and cannot act his way out of a wet paperbag with scissors in his hands.

There are some laughs, but it is not a good movie by a long shot.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

How could anyone alive in the 1980’s not wanna see this? All the elements are there: Harrison Ford, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg. It’s just that they are all older. And you know what happens when people (especially baby boomers) do when they get older? They get corny and conservative.

This is the “family values” edition of Indy. George Lucas must be stopped. His creative input is a danger to any film, no matter what the pedigree. In fact, the greater the potential for awesomeness, the greater the chances are that it is going to get fucked the fuck up.

The plot is that it is the late 1950’s (cause he’s old now, right?) and the goddamn Russians (lead by foxy Cate Blanchett as a hot mystic in a Bettie Page wig) are after Indy to help them find some Aliens in Area 51 (which apparently is where the Ark wound up at the end of Raiders). Now the alien body will unlock some clues to find a kingdom of the crystal skull which is in fact the lost city of gold….or is it?

Not that that shit really matters. It’s big and loud and honestly some cool shit happens, but this is a major let down. Shia LeBouf? No thank you. He stinks. Harrison Ford gets some cool lines, but this is bloated and unfocused and slightly worse than Temple of Doom.

However if you must see it, and I’m sure some of you do: See it in the theater, the biggest, loudest one in your town.

I’m Not There (2007)

I’m a fan of Todd Haynes, his movies have the shameless pretentions that most directors shake off when they get “serious”, but he keeps it up. His sense of the absurd, melodrama, dreamlike moments are all put across without apology.

Here he takes on Bob Dylan, taking real moments/aspects of his life/personality interspersed with fantasy (some from popular culture and rumor or simply some kooky shit he made up) Haynes weaves the performaces of mulitple actors each representing a moment or fragment. I’m sure you’ve heard all about it. Hell, word is Terry Gilliam is using three or more actors in the lead of his new movie because Heath Ledger has died.

There is young phony folkie Bob, Rimbauld, born again christian Bob, too-famous asshole husband Bob-etc.

Now, I felt that some of the segments could have been tightened up or re-edited. Richard Gere as Billy the Kid Bob Dylan and the strange village he hangs out in is kinda weak, but some is necessary for the overall movie. However, Cate Blanchett is phenomenal in her portrayal of the Don’t Look Back/Eat the Document era.

I’ve always loved this era best. I always thought 65/66 Dylan was so cool, smart, harsh, angry and witty, but I how did I overlook hot? Real hot. Also the overall film is clever enough so that if you are all up on your rock history you’ll have fun with the references to shit, and if not you could enjoy it anyway.

Heath Ledger is good, his performance is really strong, this along with Brokeback Mountain will be the ones people are stoked on in 20 years. Unless the future is like Idiocracy, in which case it’s Knights Tale all the way.

Movies I’ll be watching soon.

I’ve not been watching any movies lately, so I’ve not had anything to review. I’ll be remedying this soon: heres some I’m stoked on seeing in the theater.

Pineapple Express: It’s all them Apatow gang directed by David Gordon Green (go rent George Washington if you’ve not seen it). and it’s got my jam of the moment “Paper Planes” in the trailer.

And holy fuck, you’d better believe that I’m checking out “Stepbrothers”

There is also a bunch of Rom-Coms I’ll be seeing drunk with my girls Gabe and Sarah, and respectable “good” “indie” films from Netflix (snore!) so you’ll hear all about those. Oh man how could I forget- I’ll be watching “Teeth” soon, you know, the one where the girl has teeth in her va-jay-jay. Awesome. That shit is at the top of my queue.

Proper reviews coming soon, I promise.

xoxo

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

The latest installment of the Judd Apatow assault on Hollywood and its total lack of comedies that are smart, heartfelt, earnest, and above all: fucking funny.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the story of a man who writes soundtracks for the CSI style show that his (much more famous) girlfriend is on. She dumps his frumpy ass for a Euro-trash rockstar sexaholic, and the dumping happends while he is buck ass naked. After a bender of crying, drinking, wallowing and other surefire heart mending activities he is still utterly depressed. Upon his friends advice he goes to Hawaii to clear his head and lo and behold there she is with her new boyfriend.

Jackie from That 70’s Show is working the front desk and becomes the immediately obvious new love interest. Small gripes really, this movie really works. I mean, really: if you’ve ever been through a bad break up, this movie has been reading your diary. Some truly cringeworthy moments here.

The problems with the movie is that the story arc gets a little weird and awkward. Not a big deal really, people are too used to that shit being a formula of “point one, point two, point three” that a mild deviation is kinda refreshing.

Did I mention you get to see Jackie from That 70’s Show’s boobs? You do.